call me bunnii

wasn't feeling well during my shift yesterday so i ended up taking the day off today because I need to make sure i feel okay for  my birthday and whatever lil surprises my partner has in store for me tomorrow.

i hoped i would be able to spend the day working on art but i wasn't able to get myself started and instead stayed bundled in blankets getting stuck in youtube videos. unfortunately lots of shorts i don't remember, but i also got stuck into music and videos about kasane teto which is always fun, as well as watching videos about chest binders.
I've wanted to get one for a long long time, but again, it's one of those things i didn't think i was allowed to even try. how do i explain that to my family or my partner? and i don't think i need to have it for dysphoria so if i bought one i'd be taking one away from some one who TRUELY needs it.
is that logic sound? probably not,, but thats where my mind likes to go when i continue to doubt myself.
I think some of the places i can order from offer a 'pay it forward' kind of deal to help get binders to people who need them but may struggle to afford them. If i'm feeling guilty still (even if i'm not feelin guilt) and i have the means to help out with that I'd love to do so i think. All depends on what I can afford.

anyway. i feel bad that i didn't get to will myself to do much today. but i suppose i'm still feeling a bit unwell and should just rest.
trying to talk to myself as if i was talking to a friend can be hard, the urge to booli myself is strong...

my birthday begins in about 15 min. i should pep up and get to sleep.
tomorrow should be a good day x