unproductive day - dance the guilt away
Jun. 17th, 2025 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
circiiwasn't feeling well during my shift yesterday so i ended up taking the day off today because I need to make sure i feel okay for my birthday and whatever lil surprises my partner has in store for me tomorrow.
i hoped i would be able to spend the day working on art but i wasn't able to get myself started and instead stayed bundled in blankets getting stuck in youtube videos. unfortunately lots of shorts i don't remember, but i also got stuck into music and videos about kasane teto which is always fun, as well as watching videos about chest binders.
I've wanted to get one for a long long time, but again, it's one of those things i didn't think i was allowed to even try. how do i explain that to my family or my partner? and i don't think i need to have it for dysphoria so if i bought one i'd be taking one away from some one who TRUELY needs it.
is that logic sound? probably not,, but thats where my mind likes to go when i continue to doubt myself.
I think some of the places i can order from offer a 'pay it forward' kind of deal to help get binders to people who need them but may struggle to afford them. If i'm feeling guilty still (even if i'm not feelin guilt) and i have the means to help out with that I'd love to do so i think. All depends on what I can afford.
anyway. i feel bad that i didn't get to will myself to do much today. but i suppose i'm still feeling a bit unwell and should just rest.
trying to talk to myself as if i was talking to a friend can be hard, the urge to booli myself is strong...
my birthday begins in about 15 min. i should pep up and get to sleep.
tomorrow should be a good day x
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Date: 2025-06-17 02:34 pm (UTC)lots of queer orgs give binders away for free! i got one years ago but ended up not really using it so i passed it on to someone else. u getting one doesn't take anything aways from anyone, they're mass produced & there's probably thousands of unsed ones sitting on stalk shelves & landfills. i say try one if u can get your hands on one cheap or free. & guess what? u don't have to explain anything to anyone. if your family is going to ask questions about your chest that's kind of weird first of all but second of all it doesn't need any explanation other than "i wanted to try it / i thought i might feel more comfortable" etc. they don't need a dissertation from u. as for your partner i'm sure they would understand considering they are your partner & u know each other intimately (not necessarily sexually, but the real definition of "intimately") & not need any explanation unless u want to talk to them about gender stuff. they should be supportive.
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Date: 2025-06-22 03:13 pm (UTC)thanks k! i really appreciate it. i know i shouldn't let thoughts like that hold me back, but they have lol. i won't let that happen anymore, it's silly! i just gotta make sure i measure up well. i believe my partner would be fine, i know he loves me. just a topic i haven't brought up with him in any way yet
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Date: 2025-06-17 09:56 pm (UTC)and happy early birthday! 🎉 i hope you feel better tomorrow than you do today
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Date: 2025-06-22 03:16 pm (UTC)thenk you chris, i'll keep your baby economics in the bank to combat silly little thoughts like that! u have a point!